The Power of Imagination

 The power of imagination

Where it prevails is in between fantasy and reality.

I’ve always been the type of kid that lived in my head. Never conceding the emotion behind the character until the response became powerless. 

You ask yourself these mysteries, which leads to not knowing your self-worth at times.

This thing we call “self,” what is it? Is it who we are? Or is it the evaluation of others that made us who we are?

Going through cancer, this thing called “self” turned into a label.

Labels. Why do we label everything without really understanding the meaning? We show a lack of emotion towards something we don’t understand. We push people away when in reality what we want is to keep them close.

As a kid growing up, I lived in a sheltered box of my imagination. My imagination became my fairy tale, which allowed it to die in the eyes of others’ lack of imagination.

We pretend that who we are is just this thing we call “self.” When self is a bunch of things happening that led us to being. Being only happens in the present. We become what we are based on experience.

Words on words. We lose ourselves in the thought of what we think we are. Let it go.

We can’t go blaming everyone else for where we are now. Allow yourself to heal. Heal anything.   

Anything that leads to understanding, feel it. Don’t force the feeling of needing to feel. ” 


When there’s routine in life, life feels structured. There was a time when I was going through cancer. Yes I said going through cancer, because to me it doesn’t live with me now. It was a experience that I faced that allowed me to grow through the pain.

There was a set routine. I knew what I needed to survive. Life after cancer has been extremely different. Not difficult. Just different. The biggest thing I had to understand after cancer was the fact that not everyone understood what it meant to survive. Everyone’s perception can be fogged up at times as they base it on what they feel are their theories to life, which lead them to make their own decision based on what they knew at the time.

Theories are very subjective. Experience is very subjective. The only thing objective is our surroundings. How we perceive it is merely how we see it.

There were times in my life when I didn’t want to coexist in the world. There was no need to coexist. One day, you won’t be here. One day, this whole thing will be over. Don’t allow yourself to live a long life with no meaning; live a short life with intent. In time, everything will come back to a cycle, and this cycle, we call life. When we allow ourselves to live in an experience that can serve us, everything else is noise. White noise in the back, distracting us.

People will hate you for bringing out colors that make them feel insecure, or you’ll hate them for doing that to you. Regardless of whichever way it is, there is always a side of something that doesn’t make sense in the long run. Why do we take so many things, and turn them into reactions that leave us feeling so left out of the world?

Allow it.

Find yourselves in this world full of beauty,

We grow, so do our habits, our purpose, our meaning, and our views. When we grow, we grow past the things that once served us.

Life doesn’t stop when we die, it goes on people come and go, and things happen. There is always a separation that will keep us apart from who we are. We follow the mainstream, and the mainstream follows the drama leaving us thinking that what we need is to fit into some fabricated fairytale that we seem to call reality.

Don’t get words confused with your thoughts; words are just here to entertain your thoughts; you can either feed into expanding it or feed into numbing choice will always be yours. Letting go doesn’t mean to hold onto anything, it merely means let go. Your views should never align with someone else belief; you have a mind of your own with your experience from a world that seems to be going down at times. Another day another person being murdered another protest being formed, another strict being marched. All this uneasily noise disrupting our peace.

Can we ever reach of a place of divine light, or wholeness with one’s self, yes sure go become a monk somewhere in the mountain and forget the material world, that will work. You’ll lose out on life, I am not saying to you give yourself up to the idea of wanting peace. Coming to acceptance and understanding that you control your own emotion will serve you better than letting your emotions get the best of you. You never win with your emotions that are scattered, they radiate in places, allowing them to hit people who don’t understand where you are coming from.

growing out of a lot of abuse growing up, I realized that accepting it for what it was is the best blessing that I could’ve gone through. Don’t talk about your pain, talk about the power that overcame the pain that leads you to build a better life for yourself. Read this part out loud, FUCK THE REST, worry about how you are going to take care of you, no one has your back as much as you have your own.

Don’t live in the shadows of others; everyone has an inner light; everything is interconnected to the divine light. Watch the power of the mouth, gossip is one hell of a drug, every dose will keep you in the same circle asking yourself where did my time go? Take what you want from this reading, I am just writing.

With Love and light, I hope you find yourselves in this world full of beauty, regardless of the outcome.

feeling of time

I feel angry, confused, lost, and mainly numb. I push threw though.

I don’t know how some are heartless with the way they think or act. This thing called time, we all take it for granted. We wait to fix things and says time heals all. Time doesn’t cure anything; it just numbs it and changes how you view the world. Why do we wait for the last minute to change something? By last minute I mean, why do we wait for someone to die to hold these feelings of regret or remorse.

I witnessed a lot of deaths in my life, and they all feel the same. There this subtle feeling of realizing that life has stopped. When we die, the world keeps going, and it doesn’t stop for anyone

No winning

If I lied I lose myself

If I tell the truth I lose you.

The broken butterfly

Clip wing she flew, crashed only to land where she needed to heal.
Healing felt like she was breaking every piece of who she was. Layer after layer, unmasking parts of her only to find that what she held was other’s opinions of who she needed to be. Each layer showed her a set of knowing who she is. The healed wing became the wing of a butterfly.

Energy in Motion

“Energy in motion or better yet emotion.”
The feeling is Numbness from pushing everyone away, creating a barrier around my soul.

I grew out my hair for about year, ended up cutting today. Usually, around November, I like to reset. Start back from scratch. There is this feeling that I typically feel right in the middle of my lungs and stomach this trapped feeling that I can’t express out. I know that someday I will be happy; I know eventually I will make it.
I am drawing blank empty. Some say never show people weakness because if you do, they will be turned off by you. They are thinking that you are not capable of being stable.

Numb. That is the feeling right now. It feels worse than the chemo killing cancer because this is cancer-treating cancer. We need to learn how to accept and understand one another with actions and with words. They say that actions speak louder than words. Well, words are the roots of one action. People try to be something that they are not. People try fitting into circles they don’t belong in; you start losing a sense of who they are. In losing a sense of who you are, you will get lost in a world that is here to give you answers to your wanted questions.

Never confine in people that treat hurt as hurt or have a vindictive personality. The ones that do stuff out of spite because they will end up doing the same to you when your relationship goes sour. I look for connections from people, trying to allow people into my life. They always seem to disappoint me. Maybe I disappoint myself in wanting more for me. I am far from perfect. I have my flaws, I do shit out of spite at times, but at least I am honest with myself in understanding the patterns that lead up to my actions. There is no right or wrong way to go about things. It’s always going to be your approach to your reaction to somebody else energy.

People claim they are a believer in god or believer in the universe but only do that to cover up this false idea of not understanding nothing matter.

The only thing that matters in this vast space is that there is a sense of humanity. Learning how to love is hard when others have zero lack of understanding and only understand the self.

When you start to accept anything less than what you give, you lower yourself to that person’s level.

Gas Lighting

I think too, deep. 

Emotions carry all this information that I try and understand over-analyzing my whole existence.

                                                        The intro

 Somewhere in life, we learn how to be who we are today. We compare who we are to the people that influenced us in our youth. I don’t want to get it depressing or get emotional about things because we all go through our problems. In general, we all faced one thing that made us who we are. Whether it was is our parents or our external family or our environment. We learned a lot of old habits of who we are today.

       post-Cancerous

Mental Health is key. We all suffer from it. We all have our ways of dealing with shit. We accept the love we think we deserve. We allow shit to stick when, in all reality, nothing makes sense. Everything that is happening is happening. This part of me is my logical side writing, the part that has zero emotions left to give. Emotionally drained from suppressing myself to make others happy. There are very few people I still feel for, my mom, my dad, my sisters, and this one other person we will remain nameless. Sometimes in life, we get lost we surround ourselves with people who feed into our ego. Who use and abuse us.

       pre-cancerous

Remember how I said we take the love we think we deserve? Regardless of how much love you give someone, they won’t know how to love you back. 

My logical side is telling me not to open up because I will be subjective to hurt. I will say it to it that I got this time won’t allow myself to worry anymore about what others are going to think of me. You acknowledge what you believe is right because what we believe is correct at the moment isn’t always right. If someone were to tell me that I would be where I was today ten years ago, I would say to them that they had no idea who I was. 

                                                      post-Cancerous

Who I am at twenty-nine is an unhealed man that didn’t know any better. There was this one person in my life. We will also leave them nameless. I looked up to this person, though they were the excellent people until one day I broke free of the Gas-lighting and started to feel me for a change. Start saying what does Mouhamad needs. This person didn’t like it that much, so ego-filled that they needed a reality check of their own. What I am trying to tell you is that some people are good at putting on this persona in saying that they are something that they are not. Learn how to trust your gut and tell yourself that it is okay not to be around people like that even if you love them. They don’t know what love is until either the person is dead or if that person wants nothing to do with them. They compete with themselves, always comparing what the other person has rather than focused on what makes them happy. 

                                       Pre-cancerous

I was looking up to people, rather than looking up to myself. I didn’t understand what it was like to be who I wanted to be, so I allowed other people the dictate my life. I Surrounded myself with people that matched my energy. They also didn’t know what it was like loving themselves; with sounding like a pessimist, I want to make it clear this is all self-realization. What is self-realization with actually doing things that will help benefit yourself?

The conclusion of this whole post is that understand yourself in learning how to accept all parts of you that need the attention of others gives it to yourself. Know that people will love you, and people will also hurt you. It’s how you react that makes you feel what you feel. Emotions repeat throughout life; you can suppress them to know that you are the only one that is in control of how you feel.

Gods Creation

A part of me feels like I have lost perception with this society.

Another part of me feels like the whole creation is living in me. I am not saying that I have given up, for that, I have breathe I will keep living.

This world is small; the people living in are not. I talk a lot about mental health. I have talked a lot about my battles with disease, obsession, things that made me vulnerable.

In being vulnerable, you will develop, you will become restricted, but it will be the most powerful that you ever felt. Most people never will show the world who they are because they are afraid; they were once shut down. They continue to let that little child in them live in fear.

Sometimes we feel like this world is against us; the world is for us. I am learning, and I won’t be sorry for trying to understand who I want to become, I am sorry you failed to see your own shadow in my failures. I am who I am because of the way God created me.

Checking in

A lot has been on my mind lately. Feel’s like life has this trick that it likes to play . At times I feel completely lost and other times I feel like I am on top of this world.

I am just figuring it out. To anyone out there struggling for a purpose, your purpose is just being here. been soul searching for my purpose and the more I search the more lost I am. Don’t repeat toxic cycles, find new meaning to life and learn how to live by them.

I’ve listen to much to how I should live my life, Trying to be other, losing myself in the long run.

I want to do better for myself so that I can do better for others. I am not a poet, I am not a rapper, I am not a person that has had a bad life, I am a person that has seen some stuff I wish I never saw. I know people are going to say well, get out there and be happy. Happiness is far gone when you enter a world that is completely dead. I might sound negative to some but this is my reality, something is missing. Staying in this cycle of hurt will never heal me. People talk all this shit about how great their life is but I can guarantee they are filling a hole somewhere deep within. Life is pain and pain isn’t forever. Just as life isn’t forever.

Express lane

Expression : the process of making known one’s thoughts or feelings.

Thoughts : an idea or opinion produced by thinking, or occurring suddenly in the mind.

Suddenly : quickly and unexpectedly

We are not kids anymore. You failed at something in life but failing only made you stronger. Now what ? Where do you stand ? Same spot where this world left you. Keep going we are all on the same road to the final stop. Learn how to read in-between the lines.

Breaking up, moving on

It’s not you that I hold onto. I don’t even miss you. I wrote about you before and felt completely empowered. Been checking up on you every now and then, you still never showed up. I can say that you standing me up has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. At times, I miss you. At times, I ask myself how did you fuck me up so much and just leave. Thinking I was going to be okay, just like that.
The voice you gave me made me feel like a complete idiot around a bunch of people that never understood you. What you are to me is something special, you have a special place in my heart. Even though we are no longer together, I still love you for all the things you taught me. I still fucking hate you for all the deaths you have caused.
People fear you, I did at one point thats why I held you so close. The more I spoke about you, the more I looked like an idiot. People telling me to move past it but little did they know I was trying… I failed. In failing, you are becoming more of a faded memory.
Time heals… others forget you. I only remember you more deeply. With you, life was like me trying to survive. Without you, life is where I am.
You made me lost in the way I think. From time to time, I try and remember how strong I was with you. Without you, I don’t have a excuse to fight.
Fighting with you isn’t a war. Forgetting you wasn’t always easy. You left a toxic taste in my mouth. As years go by, I tell myself that I am better. I am not though. I don’t really care about what I used to care about while I was with you. My parents don’t even care about you anymore. Everyone wants to forget you and tell me to move on. HOW? WHERE? I get that life without you is better.

This time of year gets hard from time to time. You become real and it’s like I can still feel your touch. The cold weather here reminds me of your coldness. I turned cold for a bit. It’s like the more I get ignored, the more I want to remember you. This feeling makes me feel like you are in all when you are nothing more than just something that most fear.

Remember how much you loved me that you almost tried killing me? Those were the days where I was my strongest. You made me lose sight in some ways. You were blinding me just like you were blinded in me. I really hope everyone you meet gives you the same treatment I gave you. Hopefully we’ll never meet again.

FUCK YOU, Thank you Cancer.

Sincerely, Mouhamad Beydoun