No winning

If I lied I lose myself

If I tell the truth I lose you.

Dear ***

*** are there ? I need to talk to you about somethings. I feel sheltered in my this body of mine. Am I not capable of loving. I distant myself from you. I saw myself in you. So many people throwing out this false image of what you are. This world has turned to shit. As a kid I always wondered what you were. The older I got the more I realized that you are inside of us all.

Be Me More.

I am tired of fake smiles, fake people and a fake world. I tried to hold it together for things and people, somethings never changes. We all have flaws, we all do stuff the make our egos feel a bit better. I need to heal and healing doesn’t start with the people that hurt you. Healing starts with forgiving yourself first then forgiving the people that hurt.

Same toxic cycles will never heal you, some people never grow past their high-school days. I used to think that I wanted to fit in. There is nothing to fit in to a world that is already dead. We are being consumed with bullshit everyday. I need to and want to get the fuck out of this mental prison.

As I go through my own journey of life, I start to see where I stand isn’t where I am supposed to be. I don’t belong in a toxic cycle. I know myself better than anyone else. I know how I think. Life after cancer, I started to notice I wanted to be more me then be more what others want to me to be.