No winning

If I lied I lose myself

If I tell the truth I lose you.

Unbalanced world

Who I was trying to heal isn’t who I am healed. I’ve learned a lot in the past couple of years. I’ve learned that you never change people, you change yourself since you’re all you got.

Looking back at the who I though I was and who I am today life moves fast. Life to me has a very funny way of playing the same old game. In the game there is levels. The level of hurt, the level of love, the level of empathy, the level of sadness, the level to where you gain all of your skills to become a better person for yourself and for the people that really matter in the end.

I could sit here and write about all my wrong doings but what is the point of that. We all do wrong, no one talks about what they do right because if we do then we get judged. Because others still haven’t passed that level of self acceptance. We forget how important we are in this world. We hurt and lie and cheat on one another with our words and beliefs without understand all beliefs are opinions that get us by. Humans are meant for loving and caring. We are more than just old beliefs.

I learned that this world is perfect and we are the un-perfection which balances out this world. learn that the perfection in you is the un-perfection that balances out this world.

Shining Bright

There I was dead, not knowing where to go. I left my body and there I was dead, bright and didn’t know where to go. I felt light, I was shining bright.

You’re still here

Today I was thinking to myself, what is the point of doing anything if I am going to die one day. I then quickly told myself I am not dead yet. Won’t be dead for a while. I am here now and now is all I have.
After almost dying I was waiting to die without seeing what it was like living after almost dying. Everyone has an answer to a question that was never asked. I had an answer to my question that I never asked.
You can limit yourself to what you think you would be in a world that has endless opportunities.
There are always going to be good and bad in the world – without either, none would exist. The word exist is also the word being. Human which is us and being which in now makes a human being.
I am not fond of routine, structure, or planning. I am a big believer in trusting that whatever you set your mind to you will accomplish. I have learned how to master what I need; what Mouhamad Beydoun needs.
So many of us just exist forgetting about the human in us. We forget what it is like being a human. I try my hardest to be a good person. I am not always a nice guy… at times I give zero fucks and at other times I give the world my heart.
There are things that I need to start realizing: not everyone will understand what they want from the words or actions you let out, it is never your responsibility to change their mind or their viewpoint. You will lose too much of who you are. – Note to self
There are so many good people on this earth, we get blinded by the ugly, ugly will always outshine the good “if you allow it”.
If you were to talk to me six months ago, you would’ve thought I belonged in a mental health hospital. This thing called paranoia started to kick in. I was trusting people in thinking they could save me with me trying to save myself.
I still live with my parents, I still struggle to find a source of income to help me move out. However, I am doing what I love and doing what I want. Not a lot of people like to hear that because they never had the chance to really do whatever they wanted. Too stuck on thinking or waiting for other people’s opinion on them. I was one of those people.
I am always here to listen, I am always here to talk, I am always here with you at heart. Don’t rely on anyone saving you; save yourself. Show the world who you are raw and uncut, show the world a side of you that you want to be around at night when you are all alone and need that someone to tell you that everything will be okay.

To More Life

I hold onto you like you’re forever. Nothing is forever. One day we’ll end. Nothing to hold onto anymore. All this fighting will not be worth it in the end.

We all have you and everyone plays you differently. You are a whore, but to me, you gave me a second chance. I don’t feel like you’re a whore in my eyes. I feel like you are the best thing that has ever happened to all of us. We don’t know what we have until you are gone.

Love you, life.