Hanging on.

Hanging from the tip of the iceberg, I fell into the freezing water. The cold water ran through my veins. Leaving in shock, I tried to find the warmth in things that left me feeling cold. Oooh, how I miss the taste of coffee on your lips. I miss the sound of your crackling ankles in the morning, nothing feels like home when you are not around.

Suffering

How much suffering does one endure before feeling bliss, the heart is the gateway to the brain, allow our selves to feel empowered in a time when life doesn’t show any signs it becomes the time we create our signs from what we want from life.

We get lost in the roots embedded in us at birth, thinking who we are is flawed, when in reality, we are all perfectly imperfect. We allow emotions to dictate our surroundings not wanting to fit into the social Que, we disconnect.

Life has been a weird journey; a part of me is exhausted. Another part of me still has gas in the fuel tank.

If you are reading this and went through something tragic, you are here for a reason. We are all here for a reason, regardless of who doesn’t see it create your purpose.

Nothing is forever, not the air you breathe or the trees you see, everything dies. Life after cancer, I looked for meaning in a meaningless life.

Life showed me signs I ignored; it kept repeating the signs until I opened my eyes, seeing is believing that why most of us lost sight in God when God for one is everything around us happening as is.

Be in-tuned with yourself, forget the noise, listen. Listening is one of our senses that allows us to become aware of our surroundings. Just life the silence sounds that play inside our head; we become the subject of our thoughts.

Believe in nothing, and in nothing, believe in everything, think outside the walls you built for yourself. Nothing stays remember, so why hold so much meaning to meaningless things, that one day will die, all problems fears, worries, all die. Nothing will last nothing forever. Next time you complain about something, ask yourself what did you do for yourself today. How will you die ?

VOID

Cancer didn’t kill me; neither would your surface-level personality. It’s not the streets I trust; neither is it the people I meet. It’s the waves in the ocean and guidance in the breath that keep my feet on the ground. Wave’s being so unpredictable and air being life, I found the balance in the chaos we call order. If life had its limits, it wouldn’t be what we seem to find hard, being limitless in this thing we consume, we become the consumers of other’s beliefs, when words aren’t ours action become left without intent, leaving us looking for the feeling we call void.

Money or Laughter

Suppressed.

Things get personal at times. We shift our focus from what truly matters to hating who we are as people.

I remember times where I thought I was going to die. I did not die, but at some point, I wanted to. Today, that feeling has been positively superseded.

Mentally, I felt dead in the head. Life has different phases and within each phase comes a lesson. You will never grow if you stay stuck in your comfort zone.

If I were to describe myself in one word it would be powerful; if you find that cliche then maybe you’re just not going through something difficult in your life. Not being able to express your emotions is one of the biggest sins.

I know times may seem hard. I know that I write and I get lost in my head. Maybe it is life after cancer, or maybe it is just me hating myself for feeling stuck. I have opened up a lot about myself yet in doing so it took away from who I am.

I am far from perfect, but at least I am working on becoming a better person.

You are allowed to judge me on my writing. You are allowed to judge me on my character. You are allowed to think whatever you want to think about me. Just know that you have never stepped foot into my shoes.

You might think that you may know me based off of my old writing or my old pictures. Maybe you even think I have the world at my fingertips. Yes, I traveled the world with life after cancer, but is that happiness? Is happiness measured by material?

The greatest feeling of happiness is making sure that other people are living life with content. Do not get sucked into selling yourself out. Throughout the time you will only get lost in other people’s misery.

We all experience different feelings in life. Happiness, sadness, loneliness, anger… I think by now you are getting the point.

I heard a story one time: there was a guy that shared a house with his wife. They lived a below average life, in a hut that was overseen by the king. Every night, the king would hear laughter, something that pleasantly surprised him.  The next morning, he went to visit the couple and offered them gold. He told them that he has never experienced the same feeling as he did seeing them laugh. The couple did not know what to do. The change from poverty to wealth was a huge difference to there lives. They accepted the offer.

As days passed, their laughter decreased. They were more focused on managing and maintaining the gold, they forgot to enjoy each other’s presence and laugh. Money is a good tool for helping you through life, but money is not everything.