Gas Lighting

I think too, deep. 

Emotions carry all this information that I try and understand over-analyzing my whole existence.

                                                        The intro

 Somewhere in life, we learn how to be who we are today. We compare who we are to the people that influenced us in our youth. I don’t want to get it depressing or get emotional about things because we all go through our problems. In general, we all faced one thing that made us who we are. Whether it was is our parents or our external family or our environment. We learned a lot of old habits of who we are today.

       post-Cancerous

Mental Health is key. We all suffer from it. We all have our ways of dealing with shit. We accept the love we think we deserve. We allow shit to stick when, in all reality, nothing makes sense. Everything that is happening is happening. This part of me is my logical side writing, the part that has zero emotions left to give. Emotionally drained from suppressing myself to make others happy. There are very few people I still feel for, my mom, my dad, my sisters, and this one other person we will remain nameless. Sometimes in life, we get lost we surround ourselves with people who feed into our ego. Who use and abuse us.

       pre-cancerous

Remember how I said we take the love we think we deserve? Regardless of how much love you give someone, they won’t know how to love you back. 

My logical side is telling me not to open up because I will be subjective to hurt. I will say it to it that I got this time won’t allow myself to worry anymore about what others are going to think of me. You acknowledge what you believe is right because what we believe is correct at the moment isn’t always right. If someone were to tell me that I would be where I was today ten years ago, I would say to them that they had no idea who I was. 

                                                      post-Cancerous

Who I am at twenty-nine is an unhealed man that didn’t know any better. There was this one person in my life. We will also leave them nameless. I looked up to this person, though they were the excellent people until one day I broke free of the Gas-lighting and started to feel me for a change. Start saying what does Mouhamad needs. This person didn’t like it that much, so ego-filled that they needed a reality check of their own. What I am trying to tell you is that some people are good at putting on this persona in saying that they are something that they are not. Learn how to trust your gut and tell yourself that it is okay not to be around people like that even if you love them. They don’t know what love is until either the person is dead or if that person wants nothing to do with them. They compete with themselves, always comparing what the other person has rather than focused on what makes them happy. 

                                       Pre-cancerous

I was looking up to people, rather than looking up to myself. I didn’t understand what it was like to be who I wanted to be, so I allowed other people the dictate my life. I Surrounded myself with people that matched my energy. They also didn’t know what it was like loving themselves; with sounding like a pessimist, I want to make it clear this is all self-realization. What is self-realization with actually doing things that will help benefit yourself?

The conclusion of this whole post is that understand yourself in learning how to accept all parts of you that need the attention of others gives it to yourself. Know that people will love you, and people will also hurt you. It’s how you react that makes you feel what you feel. Emotions repeat throughout life; you can suppress them to know that you are the only one that is in control of how you feel.