The feeling wasn’t there today.
Writing for me is when I am at my purest. I can think about the words and the feelings and allow them to become something other than just built-up emotions that are trapped.
I went into my scan today, and it was my fifth-year scan. Felt completely different didn’t feel like home anymore. I felt like I was alone. In life, we push certain people away to protect ourselves in hopes not to allow new people we let in to hurt us. Life is all about balance; it’s about accepting both sides as one.
Sometimes we make people family, to see that some people never had a family. Family isn’t always perfect, but the core of it is. I can say that this would be my last time remembering you, I lose too much of myself loving you.
The Missing part-
If loving me was meant to be, then it would be, I don’t understand how we became this fucked. It was all about growing up together, loving each other, protecting each other; I guess we allowed the outside noise to distract our internal noise of love.
I think to myself that I showing this side of me to the world would hurt me more than I tell myself that having a voice that can express what it is that feels, is a lot more persuasive than allowing myself to be like others.
A lot of this sounds like its repetitive, don’t know what I hold onto you hurt me more with your actions than I did with my ways of thinking. Having a fucked system growing up isn’t an excuse. Being around the fucked system shows your character.
I won’t sugar coat it, ill tell you how I see it, Didn’t build you to this point to watch you break back to where you once were. Inside the magic within us all lies this little voice that needs to be heard and expressed. Love you more than I love myself isn’t the right thing to do, thank you for always showing me that peoples true colors always show at the end. This lesson you taught me showed me that people will always be people and that this so-called true love isn’t so accurate with who you think it was supposed to be with; true love starts with loving everything that is happening as one.
We will leave that for another day, or maybe we’ll go for a day when Instagram needs a new post.